just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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