it wasn't lemon gatorade
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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