Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she peed on how many people?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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