The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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