So drunk its hurt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
