i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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