At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i think my cat just said my name.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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