He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
