i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
God I need to hump something, right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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