I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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