Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Terrible idea I love it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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