he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
