can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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