His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
