Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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