Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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