HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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