you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
