Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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