Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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