I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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