yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
