The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
