Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
