I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
