I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone