why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.