i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!