please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.