party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son