capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor