either way he was missing a nipple.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands