It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
smell my finger.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
