I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
