So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
