He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
