I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
