life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
