My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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