I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
