So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
be right there i have to get my cape
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
