I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
