can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
