I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
