Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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