I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
