who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
