Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
