Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
