He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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