So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
