What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
