did you get engaged???
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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