you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
