guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
