your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
