Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
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Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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