when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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