I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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