What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
