If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
