I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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