I will die if light touches me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize