Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
