i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
