dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
